30 Rock Characters Reveal Their Ideal Team-Building Activities

This blog post is part of my series "Alternative Realities: What If TV Characters Were Office Workers?" Stay tuned for more fictional characters tackling real workplace questions!
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Liz Lemon (Head Writer, TGS)

Image via NBC

"Team-building? Ugh. Can't we just agree to do our jobs and go home? Fine. My perfect team-building activity would be everyone bringing in a different type of cheese and we all sit quietly eating it while watching a documentary about the history of television comedy. No sharing circles, no trust falls, and definitely no mandatory fun. Maybe we could all work together to organize my DVR recordings by genre? Actually, that sounds terrible. Let's just order pizza and not talk to each other for an hour. That builds team spirit, right? Working night cheese into the budget would be a plus."

Jack Donaghy (VP of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming, GE)

Image via NBC

"Team-building is for middle management with no vision. That said, I understand its necessity in certain contexts. My ideal activity would be a weekend corporate retreat at my private hunting lodge in the Adirondacks. Day one: whiskey tasting and negotiation role-play. Day two: skeet shooting while discussing Reaganomics. Evening activities include competitive fire-building and cigar sampling. Participants will return to work with a healthy fear of their superiors and at least three actionable business insights. Cost: irrelevant. ROI: immeasurable. Weakness identification: guaranteed. And for God's sake, no name tags."

Kenneth Parcell (NBC Page)

Image via NBC

"Oh my stars! What an exciting question! My perfect team-building activity would be a good old-fashioned Stone Mountain barn raising followed by a pie-eating contest! Nothing brings folks together like manual labor and dessert! We could all wear matching TGS t-shirts that I'd sew myself, and I'd bring my mama's special lemonade recipe that's been passed down through the Parcell family since before the War of Northern Aggression. And we'd finish the day with a prayer circle where everyone shares what they're thankful for about NBC! I've already made everyone friendship bracelets with peacock feathers!"

Jenna Maroney (TGS Co-Star)

Image via NBC

"The perfect team-building exercise is obviously a Jenna Maroney master class in personal branding! Everyone would take turns complimenting my various talents, then I'd teach a workshop on how to properly light yourself in group photos. For lunch, we'd all just smell various fruits while I tell stories about my celebrity encounters. The day would end with a trust fall—but only I would fall, and everyone else would catch me while singing the chorus from my hit single 'Muffin Top.' Photos of the event would be strictly controlled, and everyone signs an NDA. Oh, and I'd need my own changing room and a mirror that adds 20 percent more sparkle to my eyes."

Frank Rossitano (TGS Writer)

Image via NBC

"Team-building? Is that when we all chip in for beer? My perfect activity would be a group visit to the Comic-Con afterparty I know about that's definitely not just four guys in a hotel room playing Magic: The Gathering. Or maybe we could all go to that underground casino where they let you bet on weird stuff like 'Will this ice cube melt before this ant can carry a Dorito across the table?' I'd also accept a group viewing of all the Star Wars movies where we're allowed to yell out alternative dialogue. Whatever we do, I'm wearing my 'BOOBS' hat and not changing my shirt. Can we expense energy drinks? That's team-building fuel right there."

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Next week, characters from "Parks and Recreation" will share their thoughts on "What's your biggest workplace pet peeve?" If you have suggestions for shows or workplace questions you'd like to see featured, leave them in the comments below!